Sundays are hard. It’s not getting myself and two children up and ready that’s tough. It’s not showing up to church week after week, either in the congregation or in my monthly two-year-old Sunday School class. It’s not the after-service kids' ministry, occasional small group, or endless list of things to do. It’s not at all what you might think.
Sometime last year, my husband lovingly brought up that I don’t ever take a rest day. I initially wanted to protest, but as I thought about it, I realized he was right. Even my rest periods have to be productive; I just shift the kind of productivity I expect from them. And as I thought about it even more, it dawned on me that I don’t even know how to relax. The closest I come is the time I sit in bed each night before I fall asleep - I thought that was all I needed. I feel antsy when we visit with family and friends or plan leisure activities. I’m always counting the hours left in each day and planning the things I can or can’t get done. Even on Sundays – sometimes especially on Sundays.
I’ve been reading straight through the Bible, and I’ve recently noticed something. There are a few laws that, when broken repeatedly, really seem to anger the Lord. Not keeping the Sabbath holy is one of them. Mark 2:27 says that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. It is a gift – one we are commanded to keep. In return, He promised to make [Israel] ride on the heights of the earth, to feed them with the heritage of Jacob. All they had to do was partake in the Sabbath - truly partake in it, by considering it a delight to turn away from seeking their own pleasure (Isaiah 58:13-14, ESV).
So why are Sundays so hard? Because I haven’t yet learned to rest. I’m convinced that when I do, my fruit will multiply. But for now, Sundays are uncomfortable. I feel anxious and restless, driven by the need to do something. I don’t write, I don’t work, I even skip my workouts on Sundays. In action, I’ve come a long way. But in my over-anxious, perfectionistic heart, I am still learning to sit at the feet of Jesus and rest in Him.
Comments