It’s true. People weave in and out of our lives for various reasons. Some are here for a short season; others fulfill their roles over decades. Some simply move on, God or life’s circumstances calling them elsewhere. For others, our growth and change became insupportable to them. It’s just…life.
While this natural ebb and flow of others’ presence in our lives is normal, it is sometimes painful. We lose people we love, we’re betrayed by people we trusted, or we watch our hard work pay off in the form of responsible humans who no longer need the support we offered them for years. But one thing remains: we must trust God with the outcome.
Sometimes people stay, too. Or they come back around. But again, our hopes cannot rely on this potential: our happiness cannot be contingent upon it. Yes, most of my stories have a happily-ever-after that involves restoration, resolution, and the peace they usher in. But I know this isn’t always real life. I’ve watched people walk away from me. I’ve cut people off. I’ve had people stay. But my love for them remains – it isn’t perpetuated by the condition of their presence in my life. My ultimate goal is for people to make their way toward the everlasting love God offers, whether or not they find space for me along that path. And I know that allowing God’s love to work through me will spur them along better than any other tool I possess.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve cut people off. Sometimes we are called to preserve something in our lives that is more valuable than the relationships we have with certain people. It may be our salvation, other relationships, mental stability, or something else. When drawing boundaries didn’t help, the only other option was to walk away.
I’ve also experienced the opposite. After drawing some stark boundaries in a relationship that was not healthy, we found a place of connection and healing. But in both of these situations, I had to give up my expectations for the outcome to be what I wanted. I had to accept that the only thing I could control was my growth in it.
This is why, in so many of my stories, the growth of the main character is a focal point, as it is in many popular stories. Since I write romance, it means I pit my characters against someone who challenges them, someone who causes them to look inward and reflect on what might be missing from their lives outside of a romantic relationship. I want to convey the message that we, as women, do not NEED the presence of any one particular person in our lives as much as we need the motivation and confidence to be the best that we can be, despite the outcome of any given earthly relationship, romantic and otherwise.
Does this mean I don’t occasionally enjoy, or write, gotta-have-you-because-I-love-you-so-much-I-can’t-go-without-you stories? No, it doesn’t. Who doesn’t want to escape into that now and then? Does it mean I won’t tie up my stories in a neat little happily-ever-after bow, at least for my main characters? No, but I may graduate someday to writing more stories where the happy ending is more about the power of love to inspire people than the power it has to bring people together.
But one thing remains essential to these stories, and our lives, either way. And that is love. For without love, there is no hope.
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