I am ten months into what I thought would be a big year for me. I launched a website; I had a manuscript ready to edit and put out into the world. I was chomping at the bit, stomping at the gate, ready to go. And now, ten months later, I’m still chomping at the bit, still locked behind this gate, watching my dreams float further and further away.
Ten months ago, my world crumbled around me. Looking back, I can see how the few years leading up to that point were full of red flags waving frantically, begging for my attention and response. But I didn’t give them the attention they deserved then, so for the last ten months, we’ve been scrambling to fix what went on for far too long. We’ve been pouring time and resources into my health – resources that were going to be spent on publishing my first novel next year. And what seemed like a massive, scary, thrilling reality waiting on the near horizon now seems like a tattered pipedream too good to be true.
I was so sure I wanted to self-publish. Everything I did, and even things I forwent, were based on this. It’s no secret that I like control over what I do, and this was no different. I wanted to keep my creative rights and control every step of the process. This book was my baby and I fully intended to give birth to it on my own. That’s not to say I’m against traditional publishing in the future; I have ideas lined up that I think might work for such a situation. But not now, not this book. However, as it became clearer that my world was going through a seismic shift, I was forced to reevaluate my priorities. Where there was once a head full of ideas, a heart full of excitement, and about anything else I needed to get going, there’s now just a head full of ideas and a steady, steely determination to find a way to write…and hopefully publish.
I know that if it’s His will for me to do this, there will be a way. Whether that’s provision for self-publication or changing course and chasing down an agent or a publisher remains to be seen. I have some decisions to make if I want to stay on the path that I’m on, although it looks a lot different than it did ten months ago. And since I’m not the best at making big decisions, it will likely take a little time. Meanwhile, I will try to find a way to keep writing. I have stories in my heart that I just HAVE to tell and I’m not giving up.
I’ve been brainstorming ways to bring you entertainment while I figure all of this out. I’ve thought of doing “Flash Fiction Fridays” where I post short stories once a month or so. I’ve also considered turning one or two of my other ideas into a serial similar to what I did with “Text Me, Maybe.” If you have a preference, or even a new idea, I’m all ears! Tell me below what you would like to see.
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