David looked at the clock. It was six-thirty, and he was running late to work out before dinner. He closed the folder before him and pushed it to the side, ignoring the stack of papers beneath it. They would have to wait until tomorrow. What if I don’t come back tomorrow? What if I turn off my alarm and never show up again? He pondered the possibility but knew he didn’t have the guts to follow through.
He reached into his pocket and took out his phone, surprised to see three missed calls and a text from Sarah.
Where are you?
He was stuck at the raging dumpster fire he called work. His phone buzzed as he slipped it back into his pocket, grabbed his gym bag, and slung it over his shoulder. The message would have to wait.
Guilt nagged at him as he hurried through two blocks crammed with pedestrians obviously not in the hurry he was. He knew Sarah was waiting for him whether or not she was still at the restaurant. He would get an earful later, and she would be right - he was being a terrible boyfriend. What has gotten into me? Oh, I know - Edgar. His new boss had gotten into his head and devoted himself to tearing David apart for the last six months. Edgar reminded him weekly that he’d be gone if it were up to him. But it wasn’t just a bad boss tugging him into this downward spiral; it was more than that. David had found the success he craved in his eight years of financial advising but hadn’t found happiness. And with the new workload that came with his recent promotion, it was becoming increasingly clear how unhappy he was.
He stopped in front of the gym and took out his phone. He had already given up many daily workouts since being promoted to senior analyst. The lack of activity and abundance of cortisol manifested in a malaise that plagued his daily life. He had to work out. He held down the widget on his phone and called Sarah.
“Hey, Sarah. I’m so sorry; I got caught up at the office again. Are you still at the restaurant?” Please say no.
“No.”
A sigh of relief washed over him. There was no need to rush over and meet her there.
“Hey, can we talk tonight?” she asked.
“Sure. My place?”
“That’s fine. I’ll be there in an hour.”
That meant he could work out for forty-five minutes if he didn’t shower. Thirty if he did. He opted to skip the shower and hoped forty-five minutes would synthesize enough serotonin to boost his mood. Either way, it would be the highlight of his week.
The cool September air blew the sweat off his brow as he walked home after the workout, and he was clammy and chilled by the time he reached the front door of his building. He pressed the elevator button and waited – the upcoming conversation with Sarah crushing the air out of him. There was little doubt it would be their last.
Sarah turned on a barstool when he opened the door, her rust-colored hair shimmering in the dim pendant lights hanging overhead. “Hey.” No smile – she wasn’t happy to see him, and she hadn’t been for a long time.
“Hi.” He dropped his gym bag by the door. “I’m sorry—”
“Look, I can’t do this anymore.” She threw her hands up. “You’re…great. Well, you were great. You’re smart and funny and driven and dedicated to your work. Married to your work. I just want someone more dedicated to… to me.”
“Fair enough.” He shrugged.
“That’s it?” Her voice rose.
“Yeah.” He knew it was coming; he should have let her off the hook long ago. She sighed, and her chin trembled, tugging at his heart. She was a sweet girl and a loyal and patient girlfriend; he could at least show her some respect now. “Sarah,” he said, taking her hand in his. “You are so beautiful. You’re sweet, patient, generous, and worth so much more than I can give you.” She smiled and wiped her eye with the back of her free hand. “Whoever catches your heart next, I hope he’s a whole lot smarter than I am. I haven’t given you the attention you deserve, and I know that.”
She pulled her hand away and grabbed her purse from the counter. “About that.” She bit her lip and sighed. “There is someone else.”
His goodwill disappeared. His desire to send her off with as little pain as possible was overshadowed by her revelation that she had already moved on. There was now no need for respect. "Okay, then. I guess we’re done here.”
“David, I’m so sorry.” Her tears said she was sorry, but how could he trust her? How long had she known and kept it secret? “You’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to tell you.”
“Please, just go.”
She sighed and left without another word, letting the door close softly behind her. He could accept that he had not been the best boyfriend, but he was not the kind of boyfriend that was cheated on. He opened the refrigerator and stared at the shelves; they were as empty as his apartment, his job, and his relationships; they were as empty as his heart. He was supposed to have dinner with Sarah, and now his stomach would be empty too. It was just as well.
He walked to the window overlooking the street below, where people moved about like drones marching toward their next mission. Some stopped to chat, while others stopped at the bakery on the street corner and disappeared inside. David loved this view. His job afforded him this view.
He sat on the edge of his bed, exhausted in ways sleep could not help. He threw his gym clothes onto an armchair in the corner and sank back into his memory foam mattress, fitted with luxuriously soft cotton sheets, and a wave of gratitude washed over him. He had worked so hard for all of this, and he was exactly where he wanted to be. He had no reason to be unhappy with it.
OK - I’m hooked!