I don’t know. Try me.
David stared at the reply, wondering if they were serious. It could be disastrous; he was talking to a stranger. And he was about to pour his heart out to them. His chest throbbed, and so did his head; he drew in a deep breath and let it out. I must be desperate.
I’m exactly where I planned to be in life. I have everything I wanted and everything I hoped for. But I’m miserable.
He looked at the black sky outside his window, the stillness reminding him that dawn would be here too soon.
Is there a question in there?
He smiled – they were right. He had only complained.
I hate my job. I don’t know why. I’m good at it, and I’ve worked so hard for it. But I’m just not motivated anymore. I have a horrible new boss, and my girlfriend dumped me tonight for another guy. The real kicker? I don’t care. About any of it. What’s wrong with me?
I can’t possibly tell you what’s wrong. But maybe you’ve been chasing the wrong things.
What do you mean?
It sounds like you were chasing success. Instead of happiness.
The statement was a lamppost in the dark, an immovable, obvious, impenetrable pillar of truth, and he just ran into it headfirst. He had never wondered if he would be happy; all that mattered was how quickly he could climb the ladder to success. And he had succeeded. What other twenty-eight-year-old lived as he did? Most of his colleagues worked twice as long as he had to get where he was. But none of it made him happy.
Sarah never made him happy. Neither did his apartment nor his friends, who were really Sarah’s friends. There seemed to be no point to these things except to fill the emptiness that hung over each day, driving him to climb higher and achieve more. When was the last time I was happy?
He was twenty-one and on the cusp of something great as a newly hired college graduate. He was unstoppable. He had a small apartment, very different from the one he had now. He thought he felt happy then, but did he? Or was it the exhilaration of starting something new? Was it knowing he was doing exactly what he was destined to do and what his parents, teachers, and friends knew he would do? Despite the answer, quitting now would make him jobless. And homeless. It would make him a failure.
Isn’t success a proponent of happiness?
If you’re doing something that truly motivates you. Otherwise, it’s kind of meaningless. But that’s just my opinion.
Did his job motivate him? He certainly climbed the ladder quickly. That was motivation, wasn’t it? He remembered when he met Sarah and what he liked about her. At first, she seemed to fit into his life, a life defined by how well he could succeed at whatever he did.
Excellent point. But what if it’s just burnout?
Maybe it is. Or maybe it’s worth re-evaluating your priorities. Time will tell.
I don’t have time for that.
Except he did have more with Sarah out of the picture.
You have to make time for it.
He wondered if the stranger was in bed like he was, looking at the same starless sky in the same miserable city. Or if they were somewhere else, despite having a local number. A siren sounded in the distance – a disturbing lullaby to the city’s sleeping occupants.
I’ve worked so hard for this. I gave it everything I had. I can’t quit now.
Why not?
Because I can’t put my life on hold for a bad week or even a bad month. I’d be erasing the last decade of my life. Didn’t everyone hate their jobs anyway?
Do you like your job?
I love my job – it’s fun. But I like a lot of things.
Apparently not everyone hated their job. His job was fun at first, thrilling, even. But it was the taste of success that was so satisfying. The work itself had been nothing but tiresome.
I like everything that comes with my job – a nice apartment and comfortable lifestyle. I can’t give up those things.
It doesn’t sound like those things are making you happy.
The stranger had a point – he wasn’t happy. He was burned out, but surely that was curable. He could get his drive back and with it, all the promises he made to himself ten years ago. Or maybe he had been chasing the wrong things all along, and the longer he went down this path, the harder it would be to change it. Hopefully, time would tell.
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